Experience Crisco Zills

notaluallen: gingerhaze: this actually happened I loved Man of Steel but jesus they all got...

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 04:14:49 -0400

gingerhaze:

this actually happened

I loved Man of Steel but jesus they all got locked in dildos and shot into space.

I thought this to myself and even pointed it out to my wife. Yay for being on the same page as everyone else for once.

cirquedreams: entertainmentweekly: It’s official: Girl Meets...

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:53:17 -0400

entertainmentweekly:

It’s official: Girl Meets World will premiere on the Disney Channel in 2014.

All together now: UNDAPANTS!

This looks like some weird iCarly episode from back when she had parents…

This makes me so happy to no end. I will not miss an episode. Screw you. Don’t judge me. You don’t know me. You don’t know my life. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH!!!

When I die...

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 13:37:07 -0400

…don’t you dare waste your money on a funeral for me. You bury me without a box somewhere pretty and away from the other corpses. Spend that money on a party and I demand that everyone has fun. - Crisco Zills

matelotage: whimmy-bam: themaraudingdetective: grapefruitshamp...

Sun, 09 Jun 2013 01:11:28 -0400

matelotage:

whimmy-bam:

themaraudingdetective:

grapefruitshampoo:

THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING AND BRILLIANT THING EVER

This is what happens when women write ad campaigns for other women *dies from the hotness*

This is fab oho

That doctor’s body is RIPPED!!

He paid for something HE THOUGHT HE WAS GETTING. He was WRONG. So if you paid a person to wash your car, and you thought you'd get a was, and when the car was washed but not waxed you said, hey, I want a wax, and the car wash owner said, we don't do waxes, so it's not included in the price, and refused to give you the money back for the service YOU THOUGHT you had paid for, it would be OK to shoot the owner to get your money back? Because that is the equivalent of this.

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 18:57:37 -0400

First off, your analogy is stating that a car wash and an escort service is comparable. It’s not. Second of all, IF she had spent the entire afternoon with him and they played games, went out to dinner, or watched movies together, then I could understand the $150 being well spent or earned. But when you are NOT a legit escort service (Craigslist) and you say you’ll provide a service for $150 (sex), which you then refuse to do, you basically just stole $150. They didn’t hang out. She didn’t escort him anywhere. No services were rendered. She walked around his place for 20 minutes claiming she couldn’t give the money back because she owed it to her pimp. Texas law states that you have that right to shoot someone to get your property back. The reason he ‘believed he would be receiving sex’ is because the escort told him it was a service she provided. I actually read other documents on this case stating this as a fact. So if someone told me I would be getting a wax job at a car wash and then refused to give me one…..I’d want my money back. Now, would I shoot someone over not getting my money back? No, I’d call better the business bureau and file a case. However, I don’t think they’d care to listen to my stories involving escort services gone awry ….then again, I don’t mess with escort services.

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 17:08:57 -0400

*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Employee:
Man:
Employee:
Man: Fuck you, slut.

princessveroni: theidledrifter: kingwolffie: tortilla-prophet:...

Sat, 08 Jun 2013 17:06:25 -0400

princessveroni:

theidledrifter:

kingwolffie:

tortilla-prophet:

Link

IN RELATED NEWS I WANT TO MOVE TO FUCKING CANADA

FUCK THIS TOILET BOWL OF A COUNTRY I’M DONE

That’s fucking bullshit.

I hate this shit more than you can imagine. How could a jury even come close to not guilty is beyond me.

Also casual reminder that escorts EXPLICITLY do not agree to sex when paid. That is when it becomes prostitution, where it becomes illegal. If she had agreed to sex she would have been breaking the law. So this guy literally shot a woman because she didn’t do something illegal, and got away with it.

Technically, he didn’t shoot her because she wouldn’t put out. He shot her because she took the money then refused to give it back once he found out the services he wanted was not available. He should have asked to begin with, yes. But if I paid for something I thought I was getting, then no longer wanted their services, I’d expect my money back, too. There’s no $150 sitting fee for an escort that I’ve ever heard of. I’m sure had she gave the money back, there would have been no altercation.

pleasestopbeingsad: Street harassment is not a...

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 12:04:52 -0400

pleasestopbeingsad:

Street harassment is not a compliment.

Beautiful is a nice name to call someone. Sexy is not. Some parts of a woman you are NOT allowed to compliment….ever. I guess I just don’t understand. I once had on tight jeans one night and had two separate situations where girls told me I had a nice ass and the other (I kid you not) said she could tell by my bulge that I had a great dick. I was on Cloud 9 and have never been that flattered in all my life. I suppose this strip is based more for people who get these compliments all the time. I wonder if its just the private parts that bother people or if its any part of their body that gets a ton of compliments? Maybe like a sleeve of tats or maybe some wild gauged out ears, as well. I know that the majority of women hate to be objectified and I can understand, but I’ve wondered that if it all stopped for the next 100 years, would it be ok if we brought it back in 2113, then everyone would just feel as flattered as I was that beautiful tight jeans night?

matelotage: im-just-tumblin: deanisanactualprincess: dontkillb...

Sun, 02 Jun 2013 00:51:59 -0400

matelotage:

im-just-tumblin:

deanisanactualprincess:

dontkillbirds:

miau-is-me:

luvr4photography:

radiogrimshaw:

annathemoony:

soupnbananaz:

littleartemis:

radiogrimshaw:

radiogrimshaw:

ten inch dick aka longer than my forearm

i know there are some writers who follow me

please

take note

I believe the average is 6 inches? The longest is 14, an he suffers dizziness when he gets a boner, and even though he’s heterosexual, he can only have sex with men (or anally with women) as his cock can’t fit in a vagina.

So writers, take note.

jesus h. christ

I once had a boyfriend who was quite well-endowed, and that was some painful, annoying shit right there (especially with a selfish dude who didn’t really think about that/blamed me for being “tiny,” what the fuck). The average vagina is 3-4 inches deep, though some women may have a depth of 6-7 inches.

Of course, a lady’s Sarlaac Pit is designed to accomodate rather large things. That does not, however, mean that it is comfortable or fun to have those large things in your hermetically-sealed shame basket, not to mention have it ramming repeatedly against your cervix. Ow fucking ow.

Contrary to popular belief, bigger is NOT ALWAYS BETTER.

A rectum can be between 5-7 inches deep. A pliable dildo could push past that, taking that sharp curve into the large intestine, if you’re patient and flexible and you have a lot of lube at your disposal. And you don’t mind things being in your INTESTINES, oh my God. A hard dick, however, that isn’t so bendy, would be another story entirely.

So if you’re shooting for realistic sex and your bottom isn’t into pain, you may want to reconsider giving your top anything over 7-8 inches of dick. 10+ inches might sound awesome but like Communism, for most people at least, it’s better in theory than it is in practice.

This very NSFW and TMI-imbued post brought to you by all the fucks I do not give.

Oh and if anyone accuses me of kink shaming I will find you and I will skin you.

ive learned a lot today omg

i think the last of my innocence just got killed reading this

#huge dicks are like communism

I reblogged this yesterday but I just have to reblogg again for ^

#huge dicks are like communism

can someone please put that on a shirt

You learn something new everyday

Man I always laughed when boys bragged about huge dicks, all I could think of was how it wouldn’t actually fit or be pleasurable

Hmm…I’ve been told my penis is very pretty. 1 cool point to me!

Miami-Dade Police Choke Black Teenager Because He Was Giving Them "Dehumanizing Stares"

Fri, 31 May 2013 17:21:59 -0400

Miami-Dade Police Choke Black Teenager Because He Was Giving Them "Dehumanizing Stares":

brashblacknonbeliever:

Fourteen-year-old Tremaine McMillian didn’t threaten police. He didn’t attack them. He wasn’t armed. All the black teenager did was appear threatening by shooting Miami-Dade police officers a few “dehumanizing stares,” and that was apparently enough for the officers to decide to slam him against the ground and put him in a chokehold.

During Memorial Day weekend, McMillian was rough-housing with another teenager on the sand. Police approached the teen on an ATV and told him that wasn’t acceptable behavior. They asked him where his parents were, but MicMillian attempted to walk away. The officer jumped off the ATV, and tried to physically restrain the teen. According to CBS Miami, police say the 14-year-old kid gave them “‘dehumanizing stares,’ clenched his fists and appeared threatening.”

McMillian says he was carrying a six-week old puppy at the time and couldn’t have been clenching his fists because he was feeding the dog with a bottle. He claims that during the confrontation the dog’s front left paw was injured while officer forcibly separated him from the dog.

Really? Fucking really?!?!

I hope those police officers die. And fuck you if you think that’s harsh. It’s people who start shit like that who will end up destroying the world my daughters have to grow up in.

PLEASE REBLOG!!!...

Wed, 29 May 2013 15:18:48 -0400

PLEASE REBLOG!!! http://woobox.com/ejjbkz/vote/for/653464?fb_action_ids=10100815604873698&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=like_thumbnail&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

This is the direct link to the video. PLEASE VOTE AND REBLOG!!! We only have 10 days to win.

If you vote on this video, I would win a car. PLEASE REBLOG!!!

Wed, 29 May 2013 14:53:00 -0400

Hi, my name is Crisco Zills. I’m a real person, you can google me. I’m almost 30 and the two vehicles we currently have are both in VERY bad shape. My wife and I have two kids and we are expecting our third in December. We’ve always been told our children are very well behaved which makes me think we’re doing a decent job as parents. Unfortunately I don’t have the greatest credit so a new car is not something I can afford. We’re doing the best we can in today’s economy, but times are tough. This was a video contest to win a new car. If you could please go and vote for the video I entered and also reblog this link and ask your followers to vote and reblog, I would love you forever and be greatly appreciative. It’s a long shot because we only have about 10 days to win and first place already has almost 600 votes. Thank you all so much!!

http://woobox.com/ejjbkz/vote/for/653464?fb_action_ids=10100815604873698&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=like_thumbnail&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

matelotage: chloweafterdark: bogleech: what-are-you-doing-here...

Wed, 29 May 2013 00:54:19 -0400

matelotage:

chloweafterdark:

bogleech:

what-are-you-doing-here:

goddessofcheese:

brofligate:

did-you-kno:

Source

There is literally nothing better than a sexy, badass lady.

CHING MOTHERFUCKING SHIH

This lady was such a badass, I can’t count the ways, but let’s try.

She got married to an already successful pirate, Zheng Yi, and took over when he died. She was crazy strict to keep an iron fist over her fleet of pirates, and the punishments for stepping out of line were brutal. If you stole or looted from a town that provided assistance or tribute to the pirate fleet, Ching would chop your fucking head off with a battle axe and dump your lifeless body in the ocean. If you stole from the pirate treasury, or she thought you were stealing from the pirate treasury, Ching would chop your fucking head off dump your lifeless body in the ocean. Raping any captured female prisoners was punishable by immediate death. Fuck, if you had consensual sex while on duty you got your head chopped off and the woman was chucked off the boat no matter where they were at. Ching wasn’t fucking around, and she wanted to make damn sure you weren’t fucking around when you should have been working.

Two years after she took over, she got so notorious for ransacking towns and taking taxes on them that she pissed off the entire Chinese government, and sent out a massive fleet to bring her in line. Most pirates probably would’ve said this was out of their pay grade and taken off to hide out or ransack some other country.

Ching Shih said fuck that.

She not only faced them head on, she wiped the floor with them, killing hundreds and capturing sixty-something ships from the Imperial Fleet. Prisoners were given the choice of joining up or being executed on the spot. The Admiral of the Chinese navy, Kwo Lang, was so afraid of being captured by her or going back to admit he’d been beaten by her that he committed suicide.

For the next two years, Ching Shih not only kept on pirating, she fought off Chinese forces as well as Dutch and British warships that the navy called in to help. Finally the government gave up and offered her amnesty as well as amnesty for her then SEVENTEEN THOUSAND crewman. Ching Shih got to keep all her plunder, so she retired to the countryside where she opened up a brothel and lived until she was 69.

tldr: I’ve come to terms with the reality that I’ll never be as terrifyingly badass as this woman was.

i will be as badass as she

You know, I heard of her, but I’d either forgotten or never heard that she grew old and retired having never been brought down or defeated ever.

She won being a pirate.

She got history’s high score.

i love that she opened a brothel

she didnt need the money obviously

she just wanted to own a brothel

ladies and pirates, stuff that I do like

A pirates life for me.

someartsybitch: standardizedbogey: The evolution of...

Tue, 28 May 2013 08:39:29 -0400

someartsybitch:

standardizedbogey:

The evolution of Crayola

This is actually fascinating.

It can only continue to grow. There’s no stopping a color scheme!

prince-rylie: wtf-fun-factss: Spanish fashion designer invents...

Tue, 28 May 2013 01:36:16 -0400

prince-rylie:

wtf-fun-factss:

Spanish fashion designer invents cloths-spray

YOOOOOOO

THIS IS THE RADDEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

This.

thechicagolook: mister-sullivan: oh my perfect. THIS...

Tue, 21 May 2013 01:25:33 -0400

thechicagolook:

mister-sullivan:

oh my perfect.

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! I AM CRYING!!!!!

This is perfect! LoL I had to wake my wife up and force her to read this. She laughed, too.

matelotage: steamedcrab: so i was watching the news and this...

Tue, 21 May 2013 01:16:44 -0400

matelotage:

steamedcrab:

so i was watching the news and this 2nd grader wrote this to the president, vice president, and a congressman. biden was the only one to respond yet. LITERALLY.

People being nice to children makes me happy as hell, bless you Biden.

Good Biden. Good Boy!

Florida Teen Facing Criminal Charges For Relationship With Female Student

Tue, 21 May 2013 01:15:14 -0400

Florida Teen Facing Criminal Charges For Relationship With Female Student:

matelotage:

mountanddewmebro:

learningtolovemyself:

mountanddewmebro:

Kaitlyn Hunter, a senior at a Florida high school, has been expelled and is facing criminal charges as a result of a consensual, same-sex relationship with another student. Her parents have started…

Assistant State Attorney Brian Workman: Stop the prosecution of an 19 year old girl in a same-sex relationship - http://www.change.org/petitions/assistant-state-attorney-brian-workman-stop-the-prosecution-of-an-18-year-old-girl-in-a-same-sex-relationship?utm_campaign=share_button_action_box&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition

This bothers the fuck out of me. Please sign the petition!

Hey, please sign this

apparently the girl started dating her when she was 17 and the parents waited until she was 18 to press charges, fucking assholes

The parents of the other girl should be sued for child abuse. The mental abuse they are putting on their daughter is ridiculous!! It’s unacceptable. Horrible people.

fuckyeahfeminists: rhrealitycheck: Did you know that pregnant...

Sat, 18 May 2013 15:25:19 -0400

fuckyeahfeminists:

rhrealitycheck:

Did you know that pregnant women have been fired for using the bathroom to vomit, needing to carry a water bottle on the job, or asking to sit on a stool instead of standing in place all day? While employers have to make allowances like these for other types of temporary disabilities, a number of bad court decisions have encouraged them to feel they can get away with firing or mistreating pregnant workers with impunity.

It’s disgraceful and unacceptable that at a time when unnecessary budget cuts are decimating food, medical, and educational supports for low-income families, pregnant women continue to be pushed out of their jobs just as they take on all the expenses of having a new baby.

Read more about the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act
and take action by contacting your congressperson.

This is unacceptable. Pregnant workers need more protection. With a child coming up they need employment more than ever. Please contact your rep.

The other alternative is taking the law into your own hands….by killing any employers who fire pregnant women due to the needs during pregnancy and disposing of their bodies in a secretive manner. I suggest either pigs or hydrofluoric acid. However, I would much rather laws just be put in place to protect the job security of pregnant people. The other is so time consuming.

watchtheskytonight: diannaluvslea: sillylittleshoteka: spontaneousfangasm: sovietkittens: if...

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:17:40 -0400

watchtheskytonight:

diannaluvslea:

sillylittleshoteka:

spontaneousfangasm:

sovietkittens:

if you go to hell for being bad why wouldn’t satan reward you for it why does he make you suffer wtf id be like hell yeah motherfucker you my nigga lets party

i started to laugh and then i realized that this is actually a really valid question

Alternatively, if Satan punishes sinners, why isn’t he considered good?

If the Pope dies, is he being promoted or fired?

We’re becoming self aware

The Bible says that God decides who goes to Hell, not the devil. The devil’s considered evil because he coaxes people into using that ‘free will’ that God gave everyone for negative things. He wants everyone to suffer for eternity, so if that means convincing you to do some ‘fun’ things for a short time (human lifefspan) that goes against what God wants of you, he can then hurt you for eternity after you die.